I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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