toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
