dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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