Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
