she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
