I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
