I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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