My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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