yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
These tits shall not be calmed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
