dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
