Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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