if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
