i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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