Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
