Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
