I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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