Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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