Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
