Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
