He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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