I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I color on your dick again?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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