maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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