so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
