Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
