I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
