How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
