Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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