why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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