God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
