You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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