On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
