well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
