all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
