the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
