oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
