If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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