2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
