I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
