3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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