Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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