i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
