I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
