Sponge bath it is.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
