Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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