OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
