theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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