Ambien. No doubt about it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
