i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
