His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize