So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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