Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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