i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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