YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
