We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
