I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
