Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
