Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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