Already got asked if we're dating
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
