is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
