Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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