She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
