God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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