Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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