i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
