btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can feel your judgement through the phone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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