I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
