filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize