I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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