i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ttyl tear gas
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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