Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
