four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
