I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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