Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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