Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
