that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How's work?
Spinning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
